I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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