i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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