The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
