Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
