Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize