clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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