He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
