So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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