dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
