Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
