my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
