oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
