i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize