All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
