You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
