I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
