even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
