My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize