i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
