an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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