did you get engaged???
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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