i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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