I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
