I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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