We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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