Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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