You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
