sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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