Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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