I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
