I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
