it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
