this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
