i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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