What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
