I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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