It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
