he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
