just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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