I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
