I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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