so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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