Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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