my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
worst night to have a conscience
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
