I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
