I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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