I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
