I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
