Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
