You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
