I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
