Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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