so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize