I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
