Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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