My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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