so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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