Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This is my gift to your gina
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
