Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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