She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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