i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
