I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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