I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
