yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
