She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize