high people should be assigned attendants
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
