Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
