Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize