The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
