I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
