69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
