then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
