I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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