mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How many fucks given?
0.12846
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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