He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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