How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
