He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she peed on how many people?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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