Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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