The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
