so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I've blown a few things in my day
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
