I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
