You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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