No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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