pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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