Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
