Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm passing your future prison.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize