Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
