So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
