I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im six kinds of drunk right now
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
