So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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