as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
