I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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