How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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