What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
