walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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