And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
