It's like a parade of train wrecks.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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