So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
